Attention = Love
Sometimes when I’m feeling low, I feel like the longer I’ve lived, the more pain I’ve been through. But also, I realize in my next breath, the more joy as well. I’ve noticed that what I choose to focus on is what I see expanding in my life. And as the saying goes, where your attention goes, energy flows.
What do you pay the most attention to in your life? What have you paid the most attention to today? As a parent, a partner, and a friend, I have learned that attention equals love. A major way that we show our care and love for another is the time we spend paying attention to them, caring for them, listening to them, helping them, witnessing their life. However, we often do this in subconscious ways, not making conscious choices about who and what we give our attention to. After all, our attention is a gift. Who and what are you giving the gift of your attention to?
And how does this concept of attention apply to writing, or marketing?
In marketing, attention is a buzzword. How do you get your prospects’ attention? How do you hold your prospects’ attention? Attention spans have been decreasing with the advent of modern technology, screens, and the internet. Just two seconds of attention can make or break a sale. Yet, attention is not something we can steal or force or demand. It truly must be given. And received. Some are better at catching the attention of their audience than others. Yet to win the prolonged attention of others, we must, in turn, pay attention to them first.
I invite you to relive a moment with me in the Slow Sunday modern dance class I took with local teacher and choreographer, Liliana Gomez, this week. After a typical modern warm up, walking around the room and loosening up our bodies, focusing on moving different parts of the body every minute or so, she invited us to find a partner and begin walking together, then dancing together. I noticed my attention quickly shift away from my own body and the others in the room to my partner and her movement, her body, her facial expressions. With no further instructions, we were free to give each other our undivided attention and play.
I loved the way this exercise not only warmed up our bodies, but our minds and our empathy too. We mirrored each other, we studied each other in real time, we responded moment by moment to each other’s movements. It felt like the most intimate moment I had experienced in awhile. When we pay such close attention to another person, we enter their world and allow them to enter ours.
When writing, it is a good practice to write to one person, or one avatar if you will. This helps your reader feel like you are writing specifically to and for them. It makes it personal. You give them your undivided attention.
The exercise in dance narrowed our focus down to dancing with just one other person, which helped us hone in on our skills, self control, and precision. The simplicity of the exercise meant we had the freedom to play and explore, while also keeping our focus on each other. After that brief interaction, I was surprised to find that I not only felt warmed up, I also felt seen, loved, and connected in a way that sharpened my attention for the rest of the class.
When writing to your audience, consider these questions:
What can you do to narrow your focus and simplify your process?
Who are you writing to/for?
What distractions can you eliminate—for yourself and your audience—to create space for undivided attention?
Another concept that directly relates to the attention we give came up later in the same dance class. Liliana passionately encouraged us to “excavate” as she demonstrated hand and arm movements that emulated digging while her feet flowed across the floor in opposition. The word excavate brings up other words for me like: clearing, upheaval, churning, and removal.
It occurs to me that excavating our mental landscape, while difficult and not without often digging up painful memories and emotions, can be critical in giving another our full attention. When we excavate what no longer serves us, we clear and turn over the land for new growth. Excavating also implies exploring, seeing with new eyes what we have never seen in quite the same way before. Coming to any interaction with someone in this way, fresh from excavation, gives them our fullest attention, our beginner’s mind, our fresh insight.
Stephen King writes in his book On Writing, “Stories are relics, part of an undiscovered, pre-existing world. The writer’s job is to use the tools in his or her toolbox to get as much of each one out of the ground intact as possible.” When we approach writing with this perspective, one of an archaeologist discovering a fossil for the first time, we see the words on the page with a kind of wonder. This kind of excavation—of story, of information, of truth—creates reverence for the written word, and for each other.
This brings us full circle to the concept of attention. I believe we are here to connect with one another in meaningful ways, to help each other heal, transform, and grow. When we excavate the old, and make room for the new, we give each other our full attention. Your clients, colleagues, family, and friends will respond when they feel paid attention to, when they feel loved. But in order to feel loved, they need to feel seen. And if there is too much in the way of seeing them, really seeing them, you both miss out.
If you are wondering how to stir up the desire to excavate what does not serve you or your business (it is a hard process, no doubt) and make room for the stories and people you care about, you may consider stepping into the role of treasure-hunter. There is so much excitement in discovering new treasure!
Many businesses call their introductory calls with prospects a “discovery call” which aligns perfectly with this analogy. What treasure can you discover in the people you meet today? And what do you need to clear out of your schedule, satchel, and mind to gather that treasure?
Check out these tips for excavation and treasure-hunting:
Gather your team! It’s much more fun to hunt for treasure with a guide, an archaeologist, a storyteller, and more… who can help you excavate and treasure-hunt?
Lead conversations with open-ended questions like, “What’s coming up for you today?” or “What’s something new you learned recently?” or “What are you curious about?” to discover buried treasure.
Log moments during the day when you notice you are doing things you would rather not, or that don’t serve your bigger purpose. Those are great opportunities for excavation and delegation. Keep a running list on your phone of what you might cut out or delegate in order to make room for what’s important to you.
As a modern-day Indiana Jones or Lara Croft, you may now find yourself delighted at the prospect of giving your attention to others because it means you, in turn, receive attention, energy, and love—the greatest treasure of all. This powerful energy exchange is what I believe all business and connections are ultimately about.
What unexpected treasures have you found along the way?
What do you want to give the gift of your attention to?
Who has given you attention lately?
For the curious: this blog post was entirely human-made. ;)
